Anonymous

What do I feel? I don’t know how I feel anymore? I’m being tossed around by my emotions. Am I sad? Am I happy? I just feel…okay. But then again, am I feeling okay?  I don’t know. I miss you but at the same time, I’m okay. It doesn’t hurt that much anymore. It doesn’t ache like it used to. I don’t know how I feel about you either. Do I still love you? Do I still like you? For sure, I know I don’t feel what I used to feel but there’s still something. I can’t put my finger on it. It’s lost that amazing feeling though. It doesn’t give that same effect anymore. I don’t get the butterflies in my stomach when I see you. My heart doesn’t skip a beat when I see you. My heart doesn’t race when I kiss you. But yet, I still like seeing you. I still like being next to you. I still like kissing you because I know it’s you I’m kissing. I’m so sad though. Just so sad realizing that I don’t feel those things anymore. You’re the only one I could feel those things for. I looked forward to those feelings you gave me whenever I was with you. But now. I just can’t feel it anymore. Then I begin to feel afraid. Afraid that it’ll be so long before I’ll feel it again. What’s happening? Am I finally accepting that it’s over? Is it over? You say that you feel that it’s not over but why do I keep feeling that it is? For some reason, I’m so glad that there is a feeling that still lingers. That at least I know that I’m comfortable with you. Laying with you. Falling asleep next to you. Is that all that’s left? That’s all I’ve been wishing but at the same time I’m afraid that it’s all that it’s come down to. I want to ask you so many things. I want to ask you how you feel about me now. I want to ask you what am I to you. I want to you why. Why did you let all of these things happen to us? I want to ask what else you’ve been hiding from me. Have you been playing me? Watching me gasp for air and flop like a dying fish and tease me with moments of water and again take it away from me. But I stop myself from asking. Why? Because it doesn’t matter anymore does it? It shouldn’t matter to me anymore. I shouldn’t care anymore. Whether it be that you’re still having sex with other people. Whether it be that you like someone else. Whether it be that you don’t like me anymore. Whether it be you’re just playing me. It’s not my business to know anymore. I have two weeks left. I’m just trying to make the most of it. I really wish things had worked out. It would have been nice to last like how we used to believe it would. But since when did anything in life go according to plan?